whats on my mind.

Hello!! I'm back. It has been a MINUTE since I posted on here! This blog post is basically just a massive list of excuses as to why I haven't been keeping on top of blogging, or anything else, for that matter. I honestly don't know why, but I have just hit a dead end. So, if you can't already tell, this is going to be another one of those posts that have absolutely nothing to do with the photo content.

Basically, my brain has gone into autopilot, it's like I'm doing the exact same thing week, after week, after week and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I feel held back by where I live and what I'm doing. Like I'm constantly looking forward, and not just enjoying things as they are, right now.

That probably makes 0 sense. I'm going to try and dissect what's going on in my brain at the moment. You are welcome to read on, as you may have experienced the same thing at some point. Or maybe you haven't. In which case, you can just sit here and judge me for struggling to deal with everyday things that literally every human on this planet has to deal with. But with that said, this is my blog, so If I want to complain, I'm going to complain.

Cue complaining..

So. I haven't been out of Victoria in about a year and 3 months (who's counting????). For me, this is a long time to be in the same place, doing the same thing. I'm the kind of person who needs change. I need to meet new people, see new things, have new experiences, learn different things, do different things. I need a change of scenery, and I need it often. I've gotten to the point where I feel like I'm just stuck in a routine and as a result, I can feel the days, weeks and months slipping by way too quickly. Everything has moulded into one. It's like my brain can't differentiate between last weekend, and the one before, or the one before that. It's all just been a massive mush of working and going to uni.

This leads me to my next point. I feel like I'm always working, or at uni. But at the same time. My grades are getting worse and I have barely any money to show for it. I think due to the repetitive nature of my life at the moment, my brain is looking for any stimulation it can get. Nothing gets my brain back into gear more than clothes, shopping, styling, and everything in between. I can spend hours, even days, searching the web for inspiration. Whether that be online shopping, or on tumblr, pinterest, instagram. Anything. As a result, I'm spending a lot of the money I'm earning, but it's still not filling that void, and I need to get something new to feel good again. is that called an addiction? I think it might be.

I've found myself not being able to balance everything as well as I used to. I used to be really good at disciplining myself, and making myself do things that were a priority, such as uni work. But in the past month. I have felt so incredibly uninspired and unmotivated. It's like I don't care anymore, and I really want to care. But it's hard. I'm finding myself going to less lectures and handing in less assignments. And it doesn't phase me. I don't know why.

Okay, that got unnecessarily deep ahaahha. Basically I'm just very unmotivated by my uni work. And the more I fall behind, the less motivation I have to catch up. I am so so grateful that exams are soon, and then we have a few weeks off before a brand new, fresh trimester. I think new subjects, and a new mindset are exactly what I need to get back on track.

I'm unsure how to pinpoint this lack of motivation. I find all my subjects really interesting, and I love learning new things. But I'm still in that weird phase of not knowing what I want to do after uni. It's like I have no end goal or bigger picture to work towards. A lot of people doing my course want to get into medicine (no thankyou). So I'm surrounded by people who are really driven, really focused and put a lot of effort into ensuring they get to that end goal. I don't have this desire. I don't know what career I want. I have no idea what I can imagine myself doing in the future.

Okay, this post isn't exactly flowing as well as I thought it would. But hopefully you aren't getting too lost in all of this word vomit. If you are, then apologies, because I am nowhere near finished.

So there is no point in complaining, if I am not going to do anything to try and change things. I'm not doing anything major, but hopefully I'll be able to do some little things, to keep me going.

I know I said before, that most people at uni have an end goal. They know what they're working towards, and that's what keeps them going. I've been trying to look at my goals in this way. I want to move to London for a while once I have my degree. I want a degree so that I can feel accomplished and prove to myself that I can work toward something, and get it. I feel that if I didn't go to uni. I would be wasting my time. I might aswell work toward something, whilst I'm trying to figure myself out. My big picture goals for 2020 are to 1. Save money to be able to live comfortably overseas. 2. Graduate from uni.

Okay, so my big picture goals are straight forward, and I'm on the right track to getting there. The second thing I need to fix is being in the same place for too long. This morning I woke up and booked a solo 4 day trip to Sydney. I am so excited. I will of course make a blog post about it. But it's going to be so amazing to have a change of scenery for a little while, where I can just explore, clear my head, and be creative. Without worrying about uni or work for a few days.

On a completely unrelated side note; The bag I've styled in this post is literally so AMAZING, it's in this gorgeous mother of pearl acrylic! I've been eyeing it off since before the Zara Australia website launched, and of course, when it did launch, this beauty was NOT ON THERE. So i searched through ebay, and managed to get my hands on one. I ended up getting it from a seller in Hungary, and I think I probably ended up paying twice the retail price for it, but how could I not??? It's so beautiful!!

On another completely unrelated side note; I edited all these photos using the app RNI films and the filter 'Fuji Instax' and I love how they turned out! Would definitely recommend.

Okay, I think that's more than enough unnecessary rambling from me for one day, not 100% sure what the purpose of this post was. But hopefully some of you can relate to how I'm feeling?

Anywayyyy, until next time,

Sim x

outfit details: top - supre / jacket - ghanda / culottes - rodeo show / boots - jo mercer / bag - zara / sunnies - vintage gucci

#lifestyle #style